Ethel
For years, I’ve wondered what Ariel learned from watching me work, raise my children, and go to school at night. I hoped she learned to be independent, but sometimes I worried that she might have grown up believing a woman was supposed to handle everything herself. I remember how busy those years were and how much I was trying to accomplish. What I’ve never really known is how she remembers them.
Now she’s raising three boys, working, finishing her degree, and building something of her own. I remember going to work all day and sitting in class at night. I wanted to give my children more stability, but I also had ambitions of my own. I wanted to learn and find out what I could accomplish.
When I watch Ariel now, I recognize the pace, and sometimes I catch myself thinking that because I’ve been through something similar, I already know what she needs.
Making Room for Ambition Alongside Motherhood
Ariel
The name Chapter & Chaos literally came from my life as a mom. I’m always trying to sneak in a chapter or two between the everyday chaos of motherhood. I’ve always loved reading and discovering new books, and what started as a little creative outlet has grown into something I’m really proud of.
I’m also a co-host of Indie Blvd with my friend Blanca. That’s something I genuinely love being part of because we get to connect readers with independently published authors and help their books get discovered. Blanca had always wanted to start a podcast, and when I started Chapter & Chaos, I saw an opportunity for us to do something together.
We recently celebrated our 100th author interview, and around the same time, I celebrated shipping my 100th online order from my shop. Blanca is a mom like me, and we share a lot of the same values. It’s really nice being surrounded by strong women who encourage each other, especially when we’re raising children and working toward things that matter to us.
Related: Why Are We Asking New Mothers to Build Their Own Village?
Ethel
I love seeing Ariel excited about what she’s creating, and I’m glad she’s found a friend in Blanca who shares her interests and understands the responsibilities that come with motherhood.
When I was raising my children, I was often focused on whatever needed to be done next: work, school, bills, and keeping everything moving. There wasn’t always time to stop and think about how much I was taking on. Ariel has many of those same responsibilities, but she’s also found a way to make room for something she genuinely enjoys.
Recognizing Her Life Isn’t the Same as Understanding It
Ethel
She’s raising her children in a different world from the one in which I raised her. I didn’t have social media showing me hundreds of other mothers and what they were supposedly accomplishing every day, whether that meant organizing their homes, raising their children, managing careers, or making time for themselves. Ariel’s generation lives with that comparison much more openly. I can recognize the demands of her schedule without knowing exactly what they feel like to her.
I’ve known Ariel since before she could speak. I remember what made her laugh, what worried her, and the things she loved growing up. But she’s an adult now, making decisions about her family and her future.
When she tells me about something she’s dealing with, my first instinct is often to share what I learned from my own experience because I want to help her avoid some of the struggles I faced. I also know what worked for me may not be what she needs.
What My Daughter Learned From Watching Me
Ethel
She saw me working hard and trying to create a better future while handling the responsibilities already in front of me. I was proud that she saw me working toward something, but I wondered whether she had come away thinking that independence meant carrying everything without asking for help. So I asked her.
Ariel
One thing I’ve definitely learned from my mom is independence and the importance of having an open mindset. I think that shaped how I approach my own life.
Now that I’m a mom myself, I understand certain things differently. I’ve learned that being independent doesn’t mean you have to have everything figured out. It’s about being willing to learn, adapt, and figure things out along the way, especially when you’re in survival mode, and most importantly, being a good example for my own children.
Ethel
I was glad to hear her describe independence that way. When I think back to those years, I remember the responsibilities and how much I was trying to accomplish. Ariel was watching that same life as my daughter, and what she took from it was her own.
Learning to Listen to an Adult Daughter
Ethel
When our children are young, so much of motherhood involves teaching and reminding them what to do. We remind them about homework, teach them to be careful, and help them make decisions because they’re still learning how the world works.
Then they grow up, but our instinct to help doesn’t necessarily change. I still worry about Ariel, and I probably always will. Sometimes I have advice ready before she’s even finished telling me what’s happening. I’m trying to listen a little longer, and I want us to be able to talk without every conversation becoming an opportunity for me to say what I would have done differently.
Ariel
I still value my mom’s experience, but what I need from her now is different from what I needed when I was younger. I don’t always need an answer. Sometimes I need space to figure something out in my own way, even if she would have handled it differently.
I appreciate the space she’s given me, and I know she’s still there to support me when I need her.
Getting to Know the Woman My Daughter Has Become
Ethel
I thought having so much in common with Ariel would mean I understood her better. In some ways, it has helped. I know what it’s like to work, study, raise children, and still want something for yourself. But what I’ve enjoyed about these conversations is hearing which parts of my life Ariel remembers and what those experiences mean to her now.
As I watch her build a life with her own children, friendships, and ambitions, I’m getting to know parts of my daughter that weren’t there when she was little. I don’t want to assume I already know everything about the woman she’s become. I’d rather keep hearing it from her.
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