If you’re a working mom, you know it comes with its own set of challenges and victories. But, often, like with anything regarding women, society decides to reduce your hard work to oversimplified stereotypes. In many ways, women are expected to parent like they don’t work—and work like they aren’t a parent. Men, on the other hand, aren’t held to these same unrealistic (and frankly, sexist) expectations.. No matter what, mothers will always face a world full of misconceptions and double standards.
If you’re expecting your first child and value your career, it’s normal—if not expected—to be nervous about this dramatic identity and lifestyle shift. You may wonder, what is it like being a working mom, really? Every journey is different, but for many, it’s all about learning to integrate your two full-time jobs: being a mother and the job title you list on LinkedIn.
It can be difficult to navigate the reality, the misconceptions and all of the ways society gets it wrong or discounts your work. That’s why hearing from real women who have come before you can be incredibly helpful and inspiring. Through firsthand accounts and expert insights, we share the true challenges and triumphs of being a working mom. (Spoiler: It is not about having it all; it’s actually about redefining what “all” means.)
- What is it like Being a Working Mom: The Reality of Being a Working Mom
- What is it like Being a Working Mom: Common Misconceptions About Working Moms
- What is it like Being a Working Mom: How Society Can Support Working Mom
The Reality of Being a Working Mom
What is it like Being a Working Mom: Balancing Work and Family Life
When you’re a mother, you have to face the seemingly impossible challenges of managing your professional life alongside your family duties. You might feel like you’re constantly trying to find the perfect balance between the two. You have to finish a deadline at work, but it’s your kids’ dance recital that night. It’s your turn to arrange dinner tonight, but you have an important meeting to prepare for. There are endless situations where you’re going to feel tugged in two different directions.
“One of the biggest challenges we face as working mothers is that most of what our children need takes place during typical business hours. We want to be present for doctor appointments, trips to the dentist, kids sports and activities, teacher conferences and school plays, but these all have to be planned during the traditional work day. There is a lot to balance with a career that demands time and attention, so finding the time to fit everything in can be challenging,” Regan Parker, the Chief Legal and Public Affairs Officer for ShiftKey, said.
The reality is that there really is no perfect balance. It’s about finding what works for you.
The Emotional and Mental Load
Along with the physical demands of balancing being a mother and a professional, you have to face a substantial emotional and mental load. You might face burnout under the constant pressure that you “have to do it all.” You could also feel something society likes to call “mom guilt.” A name given to the feelings of shame or guilt you feel when you’re not living up to your own or other people’s expectations of you as a mother. (It’s important to note there is very little said about ‘dad guilt’ because men aren’t held to the same standard.)
“Working moms face a lot of mom guilt‚or at least I did. But I also know I am a better mom when I am working. I need the break to use a different part of my brain and when I come back to my kids I can give them my full attention,” Jessica Formicola, psychotherapist and Emmy-nominated food judge, explained. “With that said, everyday is a juggle of worrying about kid-stuff while at work and how to make the puzzle come together effortlessly.”
As soon as you excel at work and in your career, the feelings of mom guilt can creep up on you. Instead of celebrating your professional accomplishments, you’re feeling guilty about being a “bad mom” since you’re spending time away from your baby or children.
“I think the mental load exists whether a mother works or not, it’s just exacerbated for women who work outside the home because it requires mothers to take on an entirely different role each day, and with that comes its own set of expectations and responsibilities beyond what she’s already doing at home,” Chandler Stroud, a holistic wellness advocate, founder and host of The Healing Heroes Podcast, said. “I think often people hear ‘mental load’ and it gets reduced to a ‘to do’ list, but it runs so much deeper than that and is often quite invisible. It’s the anticipation of her family and coworkers’ needs, the remembering, the researching, the delegating, the decision making, the monitoring of those decisions and so much more.
Career Progression and Opportunities
When you become a mother, you might notice it has a significant impact on your career advancement and the opportunities you’re given. When you’re pregnant or on maternity leave, you might miss out on opportunities that you would have earned otherwise. For many moms, the decision to integrate work and family can affect how often you work. Unfortunately, for many women, employers might start to treat them differently now than you’re they’re moms, too. They think that because you’re a mom now, you won’t have enough time to manage new opportunities, promotions or projects.
“Learning how to balance work deadlines, family needs and personal needs can be really overwhelming. There will be times when I am in full creative work mode but then it’s time to get my daughter from school. I’ve learned how to switch gears when I need to so I can show up and be present for her and my husband,” Beth Bassil Argueta, founder of Bassil & co, said. “I am not always great at it but it’s something I am trying to be better about.”
About Working Moms
The Myth of Having It All
There’s this persistent idea that working moms have to “have it all.” They have to have the perfect career that is advancing, a picture perfect picket white fence family life and the energy to deal with it all. This expectation society places on mothers creates an impossible standard that many find themselves constantly working towards. You might feel this invisible pressure to meet this unrealistic goal.
Perceptions of Commitment and Productivity
There’s also a common misconception that working moms are less committed or productive at work than their child-free counterparts—or let’s be honest, men, regardless if they have children or not. This is so blatantly false. Mothers have become masters of time management, multitasking and juggling so many things simultaneously. For many, becoming a mother can actually make you more efficient and productive in your work role. But despite this, when you return to work, you may notice your bosses or co-workers treating you differently. They might pass you up on opportunities that take extra time or promotion they don’t think you have the bandwidth to achieve.
The Idea of Selfishness
One of the last common misconceptions mothers face is that working moms prioritize careers over their children. This is actually a very harmful stereotype and could not be further from the truth. Without somewhat prioritizing their career, mothers would not have financial stability or a sense of personal fulfillment, mainly if they have been dedicated to their jobs long before they had kids.
The reality for many women is that they simply do not have the choice to stay at home, even if they wanted to. With the rising cost of living, unaffordable childcare and the idea of saving for your child’s future, many women have to work.
What is it like Being a Working Mom: How Society Can Support Working Moms
Society and employers can play a big part in supporting working moms. They can do many things to help moms balance motherhood and their careers.
Flexible Work Arrangements
The first and often most effective way that society can support working moms is to offer flexible work policies and remote work options. Things like flexible hours, hybrid work schedules and offering the option to work remotely for a period of time can make a huge difference for mothers who are balancing work and family. Especially when your kids are young or you’re fresh out of maternity leave, this can help you feel more in control of your schedule and have ample time for the important things in your life.
Addressing Bias and Stereotypes
Another way to support working moms is to face the bias and stereotypes that persist in society and the workplace. This bias that exists in many employers and bosses can affect opportunities, promotions and how you are perceived by your co-workers.
“These harmful stereotypes oversimplify the reality of balancing both roles. It’s important to shift the narrative. We can celebrate working moms for their adaptability and resilience, and how they manage competing priorities and find ways to excel in both areas. By promoting flexible work environments, advocating for parental leave, and normalizing the challenges and triumphs of working parents, we can help dismantle these outdated perceptions,” Stacy Orsborn, co-founder and president of fitness of Victress Mvmt, said.
Providing Emotional and Community Support
Lastly, with so many things in motherhood, having support can make a huge difference. Support networks and communities for working moms can be like a lifeline. Having people you trust can offer you emotional support, advice or even just a listening ear.
The founder of Wholesome Hippy, Christa Dias, explained that you have to try your best to not lose yourself while being a working mom. “Find things you enjoy doing and take the time to do them. Seek out friends, even if it’s just to exchange funny memes and reels. Lean on your tribe and community, because it really does take a village.”
From these working mother’s stories, you can see that you’re not alone when it comes to the challenges of balancing work and family life. It is no small feat, and when coupled with the mental and emotional load of it all, it can feel like a never-ending mountain you climb each and every day. Despite the misconceptions working moms face, so many women out there continue to show that it is possible to succeed in your career and at home.
“Being a working mom takes patience, practice and lots of balance! To genuinely feel “balanced” as a working mother in today’s society, you have to redefine what balance and success may look like for you,” Lacy Garcia, CEO and founder of Willow, said.
If you are a working mom reading this, your experience matters. Share your story to help break the silence on this topic and show other moms that they can do it, too.
