Some days, everything feels like too much. The headlines swirl—another policy undercutting rights, another crisis pulling at our attention. As a mother, it’s easy to feel both triggered and helpless. There’s the mental load of raising children, the nonstop demands of work and then the crushing weight of wanting to do more but not knowing how. I’ve felt that frustration—the push and pull between exhaustion and urgency, between wanting to protect my own peace and wanting to fight for a better world for my children. But over time, I’ve learned that activism doesn’t have to mean grand gestures or all-consuming commitments. It can be woven into daily life in small but meaningful ways—ways that honor both my capacity and my deep desire to create a better world for my children.
My girls are 4 and 7.5—I have a few privileges I’d like to share first and foremost: I’m white, married, financially secure and my work as a family photographer allows me flexibility and time within the day. That said, it is vital to me to continue to fight for my daughter’s future with the precious—if not limited—time that I have to spare.
Over the years, I’ve created a sustainable approach to activism as a working mom of two. If this doesn’t feel like “your thing,” it may feel uncomfortable or anxiety-inducing to get started. Or, if you don’t feel specifically called to action currently. But remember, activist is a non-partisan term. This picture below is from the Women’s March in Washington D.C. 2016. I looked happy and I was utterly terrified the whole day. We can do hard things even with the butterflies in our stomach!
While my political beliefs are obvious, you’re welcome to use these tips to approach whatever agenda you feel strongly about. Advocacy isn’t just about politics—it’s about using your voice to create change in the areas that matter most to you.
Model Advocacy
I take political action daily, even if my children aren’t directly involved. Still, I want them to be aware of what I am doing. My aim is to make activism feel like a natural part of life—something woven seamlessly into our daily routines—so they grow up seeing that making a difference doesn’t have to be complicated or overwhelming.
When I make my five calls to representatives, I’ll do it while waiting in the carline with my 4-year old in the back seat, or while making dinner or relaxing on the couch. The setting may always be different but the constant is my kids are around so they can hear and observe me. Does this mean they hear me angrily screaming into a phone? No—in addition to expressing disapproval, I also find someone to call and thank. Remember, your five calls do not need to be all angst and outrage: there is always someone who did the right thing and who will appreciate the recognition. (Unfortunately, those people are very rarely my own state eps.)
Photo credit: Cameron Thacker
For example, last week I called Rep. Brittany Petterson’s office to thank her for flying across the country with her four-week old brand new baby to vote ‘No’ on the recent budget proposal that would strip funding for SNAP and Medicaid. This naturally led to a discussion with my 7.5 year old about working moms, SNAP and expressing gratitude.
I want to model to my girls that while this work is often grueling, being an activist is not 100 percent joyless, serious or scary. Not at all! I tell my girls I’ve been ‘up to mischief” when I leave for a meeting or rally. I’m also the person who sends hilarious (in my opinion) and ridiculous emails to spam up Government Tip Lines. (It should send a shiver up your spine that we’re encouraged to rat out our neighbors.)
There was the abortion tip line, which was shut down after millions of spam, including someone sending the entire typed-out script to Jerry Seinfeld’s “The Bee Movie.” Today—yes, earlier today!—I spammed the “Rat out your neighborhood school for mentioning DEI” tip line. Then I shut my computer, winked at my girls and said “mischief managed.”
My aim is to light in my girls a spark of fiendishness, humor, resilience, and the good fight. This is not a somber sprint, this is a (perhaps lifelong) marathon that will require an uplifted spirit.
Want to try this? You can download the 5 Calls App on your phone to make it fast and easy.
Take Action Locally
The question of whether or not to bring your children to marches, protests and rallies is a personal one. If you’ve never attended such an event, start slow. Go to a local rally during the daylight. Bring some friends (or find some new ones in a local mom Facebook group)—or come alone, but leave your kids behind for the first one, especially if you have butterflies in your stomach. Stick to the edge of the crowd if you please. Attend for five minutes and then allow yourself to leave if you want. Give yourself grace and ease into this.
What you may be surprised to discover is that the vast majority of these gatherings are magnificent. Safe. Uplifting. You will see families, elderly people, children and police presence. There will be clever signs, a great speaker you won’t be able to hear if you’re on the outskirts (not a problem, just cheer when everyone else cheers). I’m willing to bet that you will feel inspired to bring your children to the next event. And if not, just come alone! Let them know where you’re going, ask them to help you make a sign—and away you go.
In terms of fitting it all in, make a promise to yourself to dedicate one weekend day (just a few hours of a Saturday, really) a month to political action, and then fill the rest of the weekends with the birthday parties, playdates, the shopping, the laundry, the spinning—whatever it is you do. Put it on the calendar and prioritize it.
Attend town halls for your local community—this is where your voice will have the biggest impact on change. This might seem like a big undertaking, but for most municipalities, this shouldn’t be a problem. Where I live in Asheville, North Carolina, our reps rarely, rarely offer us the opportunity to meet with them in person. They send their staff. They host town halls smack in the middle of the workday. They are being encouraged by the top leadership to not host town halls at all, as the media coming out of these community gatherings has been detrimental to the GOP. These town halls (“office hours”) are more important than protests because they are more effective. So stay tuned, take a sick day, hire a babysitter, bring the kids with (they’re impacted, too!)—whatever it takes.
Keep Conversations Open
Obviously, keep things age appropriate—but do not lie. We do not have to tell our kids that all is well in this country, that most of our elected leaders are good people, or that kindness won in the last election. If we do, they will discover in their own time that their parents lied to them about these issues, and we will have no credibility going forward. How could we?
When my girls were tiny, I filled their shelves with books about kindness, tolerance, love, inclusivity, activism, queerness, straightness—all of that.
We still read books like that, of course. But when I finish the book, I lay it on my lap and tell my girls that these are issues that mom and dad (and then I list all our family and friends by name) are fighting for, but that our elected leaders have lost touch with. I say, “I don’t know why this happens, sweetie, but when some men gain power and money, they tend to lose track of these things. That means it’s in our hands now.”
As a mother of daughters, much of our conversation stems from bodily autonomy. Now, I am not asking that you model exactly what I do, all of these things exist on a spectrum. My kids know what abortion is—and that abortion is healthcare and a medical procedure. They know their mom has had one, and it saved her life, and she was able to go on and have her two beautiful critters.
However, bodily autonomy can also be as simple as, “You wear what you want, and what feels comfortable. It’s fun to express yourself with clothing, but you do not dress to please others, or live up to anyone else’s expectations. It’s your body! How crazy that anyone would think they could make any decisions about that!” These are just asides, they’re not The Big Talk in any way. They are just things I say throughout the day as they naturally come up.
I had to talk myself through that one when it comes to their hair. My kids have wild, untamed hair that I always thought I’d comb out every morning and put in a little braid or ponytail, like my mom did growing up. But nope- neither of my kids want their hair up in any fashion. (Of course we wash and comb their hair after washing, because that’s a hygiene issue.) I was trying to talk them into letting me do their hair when I realized–wait! I’m teaching them that their hair exists to please ME. Woah, gotta change course here.
What I’m trying to get at is that not everything has to be The Big Talk. As with much of parenting, it’s the small things that add up—and you’re planting the seed of Autonomy of Self. (And if you do your kids’ hair every day or tell them what to wear—that’s fine—I’m just pointing out how I approach things. Me.)
Gather and Care in Your Community
And finally—the best part of all—show up for your friends and neighbors. I stopped waiting for my friends to ask for help a long time ago because, let’s be honest, they’re too stubborn to do it.(You know who you are!) So I look for opportunities to just help them anyway.
If anyone mentions they have the flu on social media and I catch a glimpse? They’re getting soup and bread on their doorstep—whether they want it or not. Ha! Yes: this takes time and money, so if you’re short on either, don’t worry. Just do what you can. When my friend with hyperemesis announces her second pregnancy, I show up one time to deep clean her kitchen as I know from wretched experience that someone with HG cannot stand to enter their kitchen.
Any time you take care of a loved one, neighbor or friend—take your kids along. You can say nothing and just model the behavior…or take it a step further. I tell my girls, “Our rep just voted on a budget that might take away food and healthcare from our neighbors. We can’t depend on the leaders to care for us the way they should, and so we take matters into our own hands. And then, when we need help—which we will—down the line, we’ll have all these people around us who are eager to return the favor. It’s an upward spiral, my girls.” This is good mischief.
Gather together. Have friends come over after school with their toothbrush and jammies, and spend those ‘witching hours’ together instead of apart. I’m a photographer who shoots unposed family sessions, and I have been with more than 300 families now taking pictures of the exact same routine: homework, play, dinner prep, dinner, dishes, bath, jammies, reading, teeth, bed. It boggles my mind that we all do this alone, separated by walls and air. Do these things together, one night a week. The grown ups cook and clean and talk, the kids have their own world. Then send your friends home all ready for bed.
This last piece is the hill that I will die on. Relax the rigid boundaries we’ve put into place, and let go of some of that ingrained ‘rugged individualism’ we have deep in our core. It’s led us to a place of isolation and exhaustion. This will be beyond your comfort level at first—but the more you do it, the more you allow yourself to sink it, you’ll start asking yourself how you ever survived before.
Finally, if you are of this persuasion as I am, join your local activism group and attend a few events. There are picnics and ice cream socials. You’ll write your name on a name tag and mingle with a bunch of boomers who will fuss over you and express such gratitude that someone of your generation showed up! It’s also a great way to meet real life leaders, politicians, school board members and candidates.
