For most of my life, my relationship with my body could be described as highly critical and judgemental. I would scrutinize every flaw, lamenting over clothing sizes that didn’t fit or workout classes where I wasn’t ranking on the leaderboard. Over the years as a writer, I wrote dozens of articles about dieting and exercise, each constantly chasing the ideal that our bodies were entirely under our control—all we had to do was manipulate it correctly. My body felt more like an ongoing obstacle than something that was my own: something to be managed rather than cherished and nurtured.
Then came pregnancy—and slowly everything began to change.
From the moment I discovered I was expecting: I was divided. On one hand I was in immediate awe of what my body could accomplish. It was as if a switch had flipped and suddenly, my body wasn’t just mine to be sculpted—but rather a partnership I needed to appreciate.
Since the day my pregnancy strip showed double lines, I’ve been amazed by how my body knows exactly what to do to support this new life that’s growing inside me, without me guiding it in the pilot seat. It’s as if my body has been waiting for this moment, ready to show me it’s true strength and resilience.
But, just below the surface of this newfound appreciation was the all-to familiar friend—anxiety—trying to work its way into my journey. It began to create thoughts and feelings of inadequacies. The underlying worries that my body could not perform the exact way it needed to based on the past.
I would recollect moments where my body failed me—like when I passed out from heat exhaustion standing next to my best friend on her wedding day. I also started recalling conversations with loved ones going through fertility struggles and loss, thinking I’m not guaranteed a healthy baby at the end of this: what makes my body different? Years of seeing my body as inferior and needing to be guided have left its mark—and I often found myself doubting whether it can truly handle every new symptom, test, or hurdle pregnancy throws my way.
In here lies the new relationship I’ve now been fortunately forced to create with my body. In this upgraded new dynamic I now had to accept my body was its own entity that would function exactly how it wanted to.
I have very little say or control on what happens next. It’s as if I’ve left a very toxic relationship, one filled with overbearing manipulation and unrealistic standards to one of love and appreciation. A relationship with my body beyond the surface level of control and manipulation, but one where I gradually learn how to trust, coexist, and nurture. Letting go and trusting that my body will do what it knows best.
Just like any relationship, it’s going to take ongoing work and reflection to maintain it.
And, honestly, relinquishing control feels counterintuitive. As a type-A personality, I’ve always believed that if I can stage everything and I can ensure the best outcomes. Prior to pregnancy my day-to-day was based upon factors I knew how to map out and see tangible outcomes. How much sleep I was getting affected productivity, what I put in my body and how I exercised controlled my body’s measurements, which skincare products I used daily would give my skin the glow it needed.
Pregnancy threw this methodology in the trash and has taught me control is an illusion—no matter how much time or energy you put into mentally trying to shape it. My body has its own wisdom and timeline, and I am learning to surrender to that.
To help me accept this stage of life, for the first time, I am trying to see my body for what it truly is: a vessel of life, a source of nourishment and protection. I’m learning to appreciate the changes, the growing belly, the unexpected symptoms, and all the discomforts that come with pregnancy. They are all signs of the incredible work my body is doing—and I am deeply grateful.
Now, more than halfway through, my hope for a healthy baby boy fills me with a renewed determination to give my body the confidence and grace it needs.
I am learning to trust that my body is capable and strong and that it will continue to support me and my baby through the remainder of this journey. And I will continue to have grace, believing that if challenges arise, my body will show its strength and help get me and my family through.
Pregnancy has been the ultimate love letter to my body. It has taught me to honor and respect it, to see its worth beyond aesthetics. My body is powerful, capable, and deserving of love, just as it is: no matter what intrusive thoughts may try to diminish its strength.
As I continue this journey, I carry with me a newfound appreciation and a promise to treat my body with the kindness, gratitude, and proper partnership it deserves—knowing that some of its most challenging times lay ahead of it.
As I near my third trimester, birth and postpartum, I’m tapping into not only the strength of my own body, but the community of mothers who’ve come before me.
